It all started innocently enough. My little cousin sis sending me a msg about calculating your love for a particular person (in reality, just a tool for knowing the name of the crushes of the person you send the message to- she got some fabulous names though- Madhubala, Geeta Dutt and Deepika Padukone!!!). Well, it sort of sent me back into time- inside memories I thought were buried too deep to surface but which did surface...
A train journey, a blue bandanna and a pair of beautiful eyes that I'll never forget - to the day I die- those were my first recollections of her. Oh! They were beautiful- conveying a gamut of emotions: surprise, innocence, joy and sheer delight. And the red dress that she wore on the return journey is as vivid in my mind as if i saw it yesterday. The way she talked- that stupid way of arching the eyebrows, those little jokes of hers and the fondness for my singing(!!!). Oh! we lived in perilous times when the heart had trouble listening to what the mind says.
Time goes on. Things change. People change, or maybe, circumstances change. I thought I had changed too- that I had stopped loving her. How wrong I was! It all came out- not the name though- I was probably too conscious for that- in a drunken confession which I have no memory of ever confessing but which I seem to have confessed in front of a select few. I was in a depression for the next three days- knowing that I had missed an opportunity of a lifetime. There was no certainty of anything but I rue the day when I made the glorious mistake of deciding that what i felt wasn't what I wanted deep in my heart. There have been very few such occasions in my short life but it was an occasion of which i am sure now,too late, alas! that i was in love, actually.
No comments:
Post a Comment