Its been a long time since I cried. The last time I cried was probably 5 years ago when I cried due to some trivial reason. I cried today again. Why? I don’t know. But I did.
Maybe those were tears of disappointment or sorrow or maybe happiness, as people say. I don’t know. Because I can’t describe that feeling that came upon me. What I am conscious of, what I know is my lacrimal glands opening up their floodgates all of a sudden. Maybe I can guess the reason. Maybe I know, deep inside. I have been friendless for far too long. Nobody’s a friend. Nobody gives a damn for me, for what I feel and for what I am. Everyone is busy with their lives. My room-mate is busy talking to his girlfriend. Another of my study partners is out watching a movie with his girlfriend. There’s no one for me. Who gives a damn what I think? Who fucking cares for what I am, for what I feel? Fucking nobody.
And me? Trudging along, trying to sort out life. Nobody to look up to, nobody to consult.
Maybe I am being too selfish. No, I AM being selfish. Because others do have a life. Others do have work to do. They have their own lifestyle. They have got their beloved ones- boyfriend, girlfriend or others. Who has got time for a muddled up young fellow, who doesn’t know what he wants of life,who loves reading Harry Potter books rather than preparing for his pg entrance exams and likes to go quizzing to faraway places just for the heck of it (no, not the heck of it. The prize money is important!!!).
I am to blame for the situation I am in. No one else. I am in no position to blame anybody. But my tears? Who are they to blame? Well, they should come out once in a while, I say to myself, ignoring my inner self. And then, quite mechanically, I turn around and stretch my hand for the nearest book. Life will go on. Life has to go on. With me or without me.
Maybe those were tears of disappointment or sorrow or maybe happiness, as people say. I don’t know. Because I can’t describe that feeling that came upon me. What I am conscious of, what I know is my lacrimal glands opening up their floodgates all of a sudden. Maybe I can guess the reason. Maybe I know, deep inside. I have been friendless for far too long. Nobody’s a friend. Nobody gives a damn for me, for what I feel and for what I am. Everyone is busy with their lives. My room-mate is busy talking to his girlfriend. Another of my study partners is out watching a movie with his girlfriend. There’s no one for me. Who gives a damn what I think? Who fucking cares for what I am, for what I feel? Fucking nobody.
And me? Trudging along, trying to sort out life. Nobody to look up to, nobody to consult.
Maybe I am being too selfish. No, I AM being selfish. Because others do have a life. Others do have work to do. They have their own lifestyle. They have got their beloved ones- boyfriend, girlfriend or others. Who has got time for a muddled up young fellow, who doesn’t know what he wants of life,who loves reading Harry Potter books rather than preparing for his pg entrance exams and likes to go quizzing to faraway places just for the heck of it (no, not the heck of it. The prize money is important!!!).
I am to blame for the situation I am in. No one else. I am in no position to blame anybody. But my tears? Who are they to blame? Well, they should come out once in a while, I say to myself, ignoring my inner self. And then, quite mechanically, I turn around and stretch my hand for the nearest book. Life will go on. Life has to go on. With me or without me.
