11.10 AM
The Continued Medical Education program was scheduled to start at 10 AM sharp. We, the junior doctors, were asked (ordered would be the right word- though there was the carrot in the form of the promise of a lavish lunch afterwards) to the auditorium at the aforementioned time. We came, we saw and we waited. No conquests for us. No way!
A cellphone rings. A popular and melodious song fills the air. My head splits (i forgot to mention that i was having a headache). I can never understand this habit of people not silencing their cell phones at events such as this. Maybe it shows their importance in the social hierarchy. Whatever! I, at least, know that it is bad etiquette and in my mind's eye, this proves to me that I am yet to convert into one of those shamming imposters.
The function begins. Lamps are lighted and the inaugural speeches given. I am really surprised at the English of some of the speakers. Really pathetic! (though their command over their subject matter is impeccable, i must agree). And then wonder of wonders! Vote of thanks is given even before the program is actually started!!!
Well, tea is served. The presentations will start afterwards. Have to go now. Otherwise, I may end up with an empty cup. I have seen people coming to these educational programs just for the want of good food. (Maybe, I am one of them. I, at least, make sure that I see the program through). I sincerely believe that what is needed before we embark into these educational programmes is the need for a Continued Social Education program, so that the society doesn't forget the rules it made for itself.
Saturday 29 March 2008
Wednesday 26 March 2008
Life, actually
I was pondering about various issues of life in my usual depressed state. The meaning of life, the meaning of our life and the purpose of our life when I came across this beautiful story told by my friend Ankur. I am reproducing it as well as I remember in the hope that it will help redefine our lives or help us keep to the right paths that we have chosen.
There used to be a gardener who used to carry water on two cans balanced on his shoulders to the royal gardens. One of the cans had a hole in it. After many years of service, the can asked the gardener (believe in it folks! it doesn't cost you anything to go through this post or the implications therein) 'Why do you keep using me for the purpose of taking water to the Royal Gardens knowing fully well that I have a hole in me?' The Gardener then didn't reply. He took the can of water to the paths they had travelled daily for all those months. On one side, there were beautiful flowers blooming all around while on the other, the land was arid and dry. The Gardener pointed this out to the can with the hole and it is said the can breathed a sigh of relief on knowing his importance in life to those he hadn't thought about.
It is the same with us human beings. Each act we undertake, every act of kindness that we indulge in results in happiness to a select few who, though unknown to us, pray everyday for us and thank God for our existence. It is like what my room-mate Mithu told me: Each person is born on this Earth for a purpose, whether we know it or not. I can only hope that my existence has brought a few of those smiles to some people, albeit a few in number...
There used to be a gardener who used to carry water on two cans balanced on his shoulders to the royal gardens. One of the cans had a hole in it. After many years of service, the can asked the gardener (believe in it folks! it doesn't cost you anything to go through this post or the implications therein) 'Why do you keep using me for the purpose of taking water to the Royal Gardens knowing fully well that I have a hole in me?' The Gardener then didn't reply. He took the can of water to the paths they had travelled daily for all those months. On one side, there were beautiful flowers blooming all around while on the other, the land was arid and dry. The Gardener pointed this out to the can with the hole and it is said the can breathed a sigh of relief on knowing his importance in life to those he hadn't thought about.
It is the same with us human beings. Each act we undertake, every act of kindness that we indulge in results in happiness to a select few who, though unknown to us, pray everyday for us and thank God for our existence. It is like what my room-mate Mithu told me: Each person is born on this Earth for a purpose, whether we know it or not. I can only hope that my existence has brought a few of those smiles to some people, albeit a few in number...
Monday 24 March 2008
Love, actually
It all started innocently enough. My little cousin sis sending me a msg about calculating your love for a particular person (in reality, just a tool for knowing the name of the crushes of the person you send the message to- she got some fabulous names though- Madhubala, Geeta Dutt and Deepika Padukone!!!). Well, it sort of sent me back into time- inside memories I thought were buried too deep to surface but which did surface...
A train journey, a blue bandanna and a pair of beautiful eyes that I'll never forget - to the day I die- those were my first recollections of her. Oh! They were beautiful- conveying a gamut of emotions: surprise, innocence, joy and sheer delight. And the red dress that she wore on the return journey is as vivid in my mind as if i saw it yesterday. The way she talked- that stupid way of arching the eyebrows, those little jokes of hers and the fondness for my singing(!!!). Oh! we lived in perilous times when the heart had trouble listening to what the mind says.
Time goes on. Things change. People change, or maybe, circumstances change. I thought I had changed too- that I had stopped loving her. How wrong I was! It all came out- not the name though- I was probably too conscious for that- in a drunken confession which I have no memory of ever confessing but which I seem to have confessed in front of a select few. I was in a depression for the next three days- knowing that I had missed an opportunity of a lifetime. There was no certainty of anything but I rue the day when I made the glorious mistake of deciding that what i felt wasn't what I wanted deep in my heart. There have been very few such occasions in my short life but it was an occasion of which i am sure now,too late, alas! that i was in love, actually.
A train journey, a blue bandanna and a pair of beautiful eyes that I'll never forget - to the day I die- those were my first recollections of her. Oh! They were beautiful- conveying a gamut of emotions: surprise, innocence, joy and sheer delight. And the red dress that she wore on the return journey is as vivid in my mind as if i saw it yesterday. The way she talked- that stupid way of arching the eyebrows, those little jokes of hers and the fondness for my singing(!!!). Oh! we lived in perilous times when the heart had trouble listening to what the mind says.
Time goes on. Things change. People change, or maybe, circumstances change. I thought I had changed too- that I had stopped loving her. How wrong I was! It all came out- not the name though- I was probably too conscious for that- in a drunken confession which I have no memory of ever confessing but which I seem to have confessed in front of a select few. I was in a depression for the next three days- knowing that I had missed an opportunity of a lifetime. There was no certainty of anything but I rue the day when I made the glorious mistake of deciding that what i felt wasn't what I wanted deep in my heart. There have been very few such occasions in my short life but it was an occasion of which i am sure now,too late, alas! that i was in love, actually.
Death and the Drunken Rhapsody
12.05 PM. 24-03-2008.
I met death today again. It came in the form of a lifeless young body of just 13 days. I was summoned to F ward with the words 'Doctor, a patient has expired.' Predictably, I was unable to work wonders with a lifeless young body, not even with the title of Dr. hanging around my neck helping in the endeavour. I was at a loss to explain to the parents. My Senior consultant came to the rescue. She explained the child's condition to the parents (in words they will probably never understand) and consoled them. She ended her consolations with the words OK. Goddammit! Nothing was OK. Nothing would be OK (though I don't doubt the sincerity of my senior nor the meaning of the words). What can be OK with a couple losing their first born to a disease they had never heard about??? What can be OK with death itself? Nothing...
I am forced to think. I think. What is life? What is death? What is the meaning of our existence? I can't find the answers nor I think I will be able to.
8.00 PM. same day.
I meet life in the form of a drunk young friend of mine (who, as a gesture of goodwill towards me, has brought some alcohol for me since I was on duty upto 8 PM). The first thing he does is to salute me (i must mention that he was terribly interested in joining the Indian Army, but was denied because of an extra thumb!) and proclaiming his love for me in his own manner. We listen to some romantic songs, some love songs and some rock songs. We dance, we laugh and we shout. The sorrows of the day are forgotten. What matters is now and the Drunken rhapsody we all are engaged in.
As i finish my dinner, and make my way towards my PC, i summarize my day. More importantly i compare the two extremes - one of death and one of life- albeit drunk. I am at a loss. As always. I cant put my feelings into words. Death and life in a single day- its too much for me, for anybody. I wish someone could solve it for me. I wish someone will.
I met death today again. It came in the form of a lifeless young body of just 13 days. I was summoned to F ward with the words 'Doctor, a patient has expired.' Predictably, I was unable to work wonders with a lifeless young body, not even with the title of Dr. hanging around my neck helping in the endeavour. I was at a loss to explain to the parents. My Senior consultant came to the rescue. She explained the child's condition to the parents (in words they will probably never understand) and consoled them. She ended her consolations with the words OK. Goddammit! Nothing was OK. Nothing would be OK (though I don't doubt the sincerity of my senior nor the meaning of the words). What can be OK with a couple losing their first born to a disease they had never heard about??? What can be OK with death itself? Nothing...
I am forced to think. I think. What is life? What is death? What is the meaning of our existence? I can't find the answers nor I think I will be able to.
8.00 PM. same day.
I meet life in the form of a drunk young friend of mine (who, as a gesture of goodwill towards me, has brought some alcohol for me since I was on duty upto 8 PM). The first thing he does is to salute me (i must mention that he was terribly interested in joining the Indian Army, but was denied because of an extra thumb!) and proclaiming his love for me in his own manner. We listen to some romantic songs, some love songs and some rock songs. We dance, we laugh and we shout. The sorrows of the day are forgotten. What matters is now and the Drunken rhapsody we all are engaged in.
As i finish my dinner, and make my way towards my PC, i summarize my day. More importantly i compare the two extremes - one of death and one of life- albeit drunk. I am at a loss. As always. I cant put my feelings into words. Death and life in a single day- its too much for me, for anybody. I wish someone could solve it for me. I wish someone will.
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