A different movie watching experience

One of the significant changes that have occurred in my life post marriage (apart from the usual changes) is that I (we rather) own a television set. As a bachelor, it never occurred to me to buy one as all my needs were fulfilled by my 15 inch laptop (which by the way lies dejectedly in a corner of my study table now). Whether it be watching/reading news, watching movies (mostly downloaded or shared between friends), socializing or listening to songs, the laptop was always there- getting up from sleep mode along with me and going back to sleep mode as i went to sleep.

So, television. One of the worst things about television is that you can just lie there staring at it, doing nothing, just staring (and maybe surfing through channels), and suddenly you find a large amount of time has elapsed. Of course, it offers a vast choice as to the programs you want to view- news, movies, documentaries, songs, raunchy videos, daily soaps, reality shows, fantasy shows etc. etc. 

I am awkward with television remotes. Give me one, and if there is another person nearby, I promptly turn the remote to the other person. Maybe I don't like responsibility. Maybe I think others wouldn't approve of my choice. One thing I know- I am very bad at remembering channel numbers. I hardly remember three or four of them. I use those three or four channel numbers to serve as anchors, and surf up or down from those points.

If left to myself, I generally prefer watching the movies or the news. I prefer movies because the volume levels are normally lower than that of the news. Just yesterday, I was watching 'The Newshour" with The Arnab Goswami, and couldn't decide whether it was a debate or a shouting match. In the midst of the 'debate' there was one grey haired lady who was calm and composed and who never got to make her point because she was not shouting. (I have decided that if I am able to attain some fame, I would very much like, in my post retirement life, to be a panelist in Arnab's shows- drinking free coffee and eating snacks and watching the other panelists fight). 

That leaves us with movies. Mostly English. If a good one is playing, I let it play and go about my chores, or if free, sit down and watch. Watching movies- specially English movies, on television is a delight, I discovered. I mostly play a game with myself while watching the movies. The game consists of the following:

1. Spot the smoker before they do. Of course, you all know about the anti tobacco warnings, poor Mukesh (may he rest in peace), and the city with smokes and the government unable to do anything except ask you not to smoke, and not let others smoke. More about that here. But there is also the message that flashes on the screen- 'Smoking Kills' or 'Drinking is injurious to health'. I don't know why, but probably because I am the kind of guy who likes to read, my eyes inadvertently go to written text on the screen. So, as soon as the words appear on the screen- 'Smoking Kills'- I am like 'Where is the smoke? Who has the cigarette? Who has the glass?" Sometimes, it is a guy on the left corner of the screen, whose face is not in focus, sometimes it is a half empty glass of wine lying on the table. I make it a point to figure out the source of the smoke/drink within three seconds of the warning flashing on the screen. (Side note: The first such warning to appear in Hindi movies was in the remade version of Agneepath. That was a torture. You are watching Katrina Kaif do a chikni chameli and suddenly, there is a blurred flame and the word 'Smoking Kills'. For the first few times, I took it to mean that Kat was 'Smoking hot' and that would kill you. *Sigh*). I think they have guy/guys in their payroll to look out for the smoke and the liquor in the movies. I like to think of them as the boys who went to a beach, and for every female they saw in a bikini, they reported back to their friends at home as being topless. Or else, the 'agyakari' sort in school- who would do everything the teacher asks them to. 

2. Understand and relate the subtitles to the dialogues. I already stated that I am a sucker for the written word. And though I fairly understand what is going on by listening to the dialogues, my eyes can't help but stray to the bottom of the screen and read out the subtitles. There are, of course the usual starred out words like f***, a*** and all that. To some extent, I agree with that. I also think that they have got this list of word that are acceptable, those that are not and those that need to be switched. It gets my hat when they go off with their switches. Shit becomes crap (i wonder if it'll make a difference), bitch becomes witch (seriously, isn't accusing someone as a witch going to the middle ages?) etc. etc. And mind you, the spoken word remains the same. I believe they think that the average Indian watches English movies and understands them only by reading the subtitles (which may be true, come to think of it). 

3. Piece out the story by figuring out deleted scenes. Now, it's your television, you pay for the subscribed channel, your choice of watching the movie but you can't watch the full movie. Of course the scenes with prolonged kissing, lovemaking are cut off (that's why youngster prefer torrents, maybe?), if it pleases their fancy, they cut off violent scenes too. So much so, that sometimes you are at a loss to understand the storyline. Recently, I watched the movie- 'Angels and Demons'. There are scenes in the movie featuring dead bodies who have been branded on their chests. This is a key point in the story (I knew because I had read the book). Imagine my horror when all those scenes were cut off, so that the average viewer didn't even know that a murder had taken place. While watching movies, I am now alert to such jarring, non-continuous scenes, and try to figure out the story afterwards. If I fail, I go to wikipedia or IMDB for confirmation.

So you see? Movie watching isn't as boring as it was earlier. It has become more evolved, more complex and more interactive. You have to be on your toes (figuratively) so that you don't miss a key point. If the movie is boring, you can play 'Spot the smoke' game. Plus, you get free language lessons and a great tool for learning synonyms. Get a television now, and start watching!

Orange Peels

So The Missus was travelling from Shillong to Tezpur for some work. The bus she took was the one under Assam State Transport Corporation (ASTC) that plies daily from Shillong to Tezpur. A rickety contraption on four wheels, painted orange and white with the letters ASTC emblazoned across the body with room for about thirty people and almost no leg room for those thirty people at all. The door towards the rear was shut off so as to make room for storing luggage. But it was cheap and the only direct vehicle, plying between the two places. 

Across the aisle, a German couple was sitting. Trying to fit in the space between the seats, and failing miserably would have been a better description. At some point, The Missus and the German couple got talking. It started out with her helping them buy some fruits from the hawkers at the next petrol pump. Soon, they were telling her about their experiences in this country of ours. How the country was filled with beautiful places and interesting people, how it was difficult to get some space for yourselves, how prices of commodities and services went up as soon as people saw 'white travellers', and how the Shillong stay had shot a little above budget for them. They recounted their tale of losing their mobile phone in a taxi in Shillong, and getting it returned (surprising, yes!). They loved the country and were planning to stay another month or so. 

As they were eating oranges that they had bought at Nongpoh (a place halfway between Shillong and Guwahati)- this being the time when oranges abound, and easily available- they made an observation and looked to The Missus for the explanation. Observation being: "Well, it is winter. Oranges are to be found aplenty. People will eat them. That is understood. But why do people just throw away the peels by the roadside?" (They were, of course, carrying a large plastic bag where they put all their garbage, as was The Missus).

The Missus was in a quandary. On the one hand was the desire to tell the truth about us Indians- how we like to keep our homes clean, our clothes spotless and how, as we cross the threshold of our homes, we turn into those garbage spewing, waste gurgling, ever spitting behemoths. On the other hand, there was the question of upholding the nation's pride. (Somewhere, in the back of her mind, I guess, she visualised one of those 'Incredible India' ads featuring Aamir Khan.)

Choosing the middle path, she replied, "You see, we are a poor country. As you may have observed, it is difficult maintaining cleanliness and hygiene with so many people around. The orange peels have an important role in our endeavour to make things a little better. The peels are aromatic. The smell they release is pleasant, and it masks other smells. Plus, it purifies the air. This property has even been mentioned in the Ayurveda. And then, it serves as food to the numerous stray cows and goats that you find here in India. Else, it decomposes. So no harm done. Plus a fresher and purer India in the bargain!"

She saw a look mingled with scepticism at first which was replaced with wonder, as they thought about it. "Wow! Great!" One of them said. 

With a satisfied smile on her face, The Missus closed her eyes trying to hold down the vomit that was striving to defy gravity and come out, ready to be splayed on to the side of the serpentine, mountainous road (on account of her motion sickness, and interestingly, the inability to retch inside a polythene bag). She could not think of any explanation of why Indians would vomit out of the window of a moving bus.

Movie watching and tobacco policing

Dear Government

Every time I sit back and watch a movie,whether in a movie hall or in my home, I am inundated with anti-tobacco visuals/messages that come before, in between and sometimes after the movie (okay, i sometimes watch back to back movies so the ones coming at the beginning of another movie look like one coming at the end of the previous one). The present series of ads end with the lines "Don't smoke and don't let anyone smoke near you."

I am a non smoker and can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke. It was my habit since my days in a hostel not to let anyone smoke in my room. Whenever I see someone smoking near me, and if it is discomfiting to me, I do ask them politely to desist from doing so. 

So why is this message shown to people like me over and over again? The sight of a sick patient struggling with cancer (who ultimately succumbs), a little child breathing in the fumes exhaled by her father. I have had my fill of such sights as a doctor and I want to switch off and watch some nonsense like that 'Jumme ki raat' wala movie. And speaking of that, why do you need to cut down on kissing and love making scenes? (Hell, even poor James Bond was turned into Sanskari bond.) Such scenes are good for blood circulation, you know. But I digress. 

Coming back to the advice you gave: Don't smoke and don't let anyone do so. I have done my part. But have you? When it'll be a simple matter of making a law banning tobacco and ensuring it? Banning porn is easy. I won't go into beef. But does the health of the whole nation doesn't matter to you in front of those billions of rupees in revenues that you collect from the tobacco companies? 

I guess it doesn't.

You'll just give us lip service. And people like me shall rant. 

And feel better.

Yours sincerely

A non smoker.

The Murder

Chapter One

The Tribune, May 9

Reports are coming in of a murder in the prestigious Government Medical College in  Dibrugarh. According to our sources, the body of an on duty doctor was found in the duty room of the Obstetrics and Gynaecology Department of the college. The manner of death as well as any otherdetails are as yet undisclosed, till the time of publishing this story. As a result of the murder, there is unrest among the students of the college. Top police officials are said to have reached the college for investigating the case.

D's Diary

May 9, 11PM

It was hell today. It was my third exam today and I got little sleep. Maybe 2-3 hours. As I was getting dressed for the exam, with butterflies in the stomach, I heard someone talking outside my room. "Someone stabbed her."I didn't give much thought to it, thinking it to be some news on the TV, in some far off place, not having any bearing on my life or those living with me. 

As I went for breakfast, I met C outside the common room. "Do you know, a doctor has been stabbed in the O & G department?" he said to me. "No. Is it serious? What was the cause? Did any patient die?" I replied. Beating doctors is a common thing nowadays, but stabbing is serious matter. "I don't know. I am trying to find out. You concentrate on giving the exam." 

I reached the exam hall around 15 minutes early. By then news had come that the said doctor was a female and was dead probably due to stabbing. A gloom seemed to hang by the exam hall entrance. I could see some sobbing faces too. 

The exam was a blur. Most of the questions asked were known, so I just tried to write what would come in my mind. But the heart was troubled by the events happening outside. 

The way back from the exam hall went by the post mortem hall. I saw a large crowd of students gathered there. I saw C again and hailed him. "It was a gruesome affair. It seems she was strangled and then stabbed. At least people who have been near the body say so. There was a large crowd of students in the department. The Head of the Department had shut himself in his office fearing violence against him. One or two Professors came and tried to shoo the students away but they were greeted by angry reactions. Even the vice-principal and senior professors were heckled. The Principal could not be contacted. The police came later and the body was cordoned off and is now been taken for post mortem." C updated me. "How was the exam?" He asked as an afterthought. "Fuck the exam." I replied. 

I stayed there for a while. I didn't know the victim personally, so I heard about people's views on her. Seems she was a nice person, friendly with all and a good student. Was into her first year of post graduation in the college straight after completing her internship. She was to get married later this year to one of the guys who was appearing the exams with us. 

With heavy heart, I went to the hostel and tried to have food. After a few unsuccessful attempts, I pushed the plate away and went to the common room to catch the news on television. Already, it was a mess. The TV crews had by then traced the home of the victim, and were there already. One 'scribe' asked a grieving family member "How do you feel?" "Bloody hell! I'll tell him how I feel if i ever see him." said the guy with the remote and changed the channel.

The day went like that. People talking about the girl, about the college, how things are so insecure here, the next course of action, and the stirrings of an agitation. I tried to sleep but could not. 

Evening came and went. The next exam was two days away. I tried to sit and study. I failed. I made numerous excursions to the common room and back. I joined groups of people discussing the affair, each with their own views on what might have happened, and what would happen now.

I tried to go to bed after dinner but sleep still eludes me. I think it'll be hell tonight as well.

(Based on real events. Chapter 2 coming soon)