A different movie watching experience

One of the significant changes that have occurred in my life post marriage (apart from the usual changes) is that I (we rather) own a television set. As a bachelor, it never occurred to me to buy one as all my needs were fulfilled by my 15 inch laptop (which by the way lies dejectedly in a corner of my study table now). Whether it be watching/reading news, watching movies (mostly downloaded or shared between friends), socializing or listening to songs, the laptop was always there- getting up from sleep mode along with me and going back to sleep mode as i went to sleep.

So, television. One of the worst things about television is that you can just lie there staring at it, doing nothing, just staring (and maybe surfing through channels), and suddenly you find a large amount of time has elapsed. Of course, it offers a vast choice as to the programs you want to view- news, movies, documentaries, songs, raunchy videos, daily soaps, reality shows, fantasy shows etc. etc. 

I am awkward with television remotes. Give me one, and if there is another person nearby, I promptly turn the remote to the other person. Maybe I don't like responsibility. Maybe I think others wouldn't approve of my choice. One thing I know- I am very bad at remembering channel numbers. I hardly remember three or four of them. I use those three or four channel numbers to serve as anchors, and surf up or down from those points.

If left to myself, I generally prefer watching the movies or the news. I prefer movies because the volume levels are normally lower than that of the news. Just yesterday, I was watching 'The Newshour" with The Arnab Goswami, and couldn't decide whether it was a debate or a shouting match. In the midst of the 'debate' there was one grey haired lady who was calm and composed and who never got to make her point because she was not shouting. (I have decided that if I am able to attain some fame, I would very much like, in my post retirement life, to be a panelist in Arnab's shows- drinking free coffee and eating snacks and watching the other panelists fight). 

That leaves us with movies. Mostly English. If a good one is playing, I let it play and go about my chores, or if free, sit down and watch. Watching movies- specially English movies, on television is a delight, I discovered. I mostly play a game with myself while watching the movies. The game consists of the following:

1. Spot the smoker before they do. Of course, you all know about the anti tobacco warnings, poor Mukesh (may he rest in peace), and the city with smokes and the government unable to do anything except ask you not to smoke, and not let others smoke. More about that here. But there is also the message that flashes on the screen- 'Smoking Kills' or 'Drinking is injurious to health'. I don't know why, but probably because I am the kind of guy who likes to read, my eyes inadvertently go to written text on the screen. So, as soon as the words appear on the screen- 'Smoking Kills'- I am like 'Where is the smoke? Who has the cigarette? Who has the glass?" Sometimes, it is a guy on the left corner of the screen, whose face is not in focus, sometimes it is a half empty glass of wine lying on the table. I make it a point to figure out the source of the smoke/drink within three seconds of the warning flashing on the screen. (Side note: The first such warning to appear in Hindi movies was in the remade version of Agneepath. That was a torture. You are watching Katrina Kaif do a chikni chameli and suddenly, there is a blurred flame and the word 'Smoking Kills'. For the first few times, I took it to mean that Kat was 'Smoking hot' and that would kill you. *Sigh*). I think they have guy/guys in their payroll to look out for the smoke and the liquor in the movies. I like to think of them as the boys who went to a beach, and for every female they saw in a bikini, they reported back to their friends at home as being topless. Or else, the 'agyakari' sort in school- who would do everything the teacher asks them to. 

2. Understand and relate the subtitles to the dialogues. I already stated that I am a sucker for the written word. And though I fairly understand what is going on by listening to the dialogues, my eyes can't help but stray to the bottom of the screen and read out the subtitles. There are, of course the usual starred out words like f***, a*** and all that. To some extent, I agree with that. I also think that they have got this list of word that are acceptable, those that are not and those that need to be switched. It gets my hat when they go off with their switches. Shit becomes crap (i wonder if it'll make a difference), bitch becomes witch (seriously, isn't accusing someone as a witch going to the middle ages?) etc. etc. And mind you, the spoken word remains the same. I believe they think that the average Indian watches English movies and understands them only by reading the subtitles (which may be true, come to think of it). 

3. Piece out the story by figuring out deleted scenes. Now, it's your television, you pay for the subscribed channel, your choice of watching the movie but you can't watch the full movie. Of course the scenes with prolonged kissing, lovemaking are cut off (that's why youngster prefer torrents, maybe?), if it pleases their fancy, they cut off violent scenes too. So much so, that sometimes you are at a loss to understand the storyline. Recently, I watched the movie- 'Angels and Demons'. There are scenes in the movie featuring dead bodies who have been branded on their chests. This is a key point in the story (I knew because I had read the book). Imagine my horror when all those scenes were cut off, so that the average viewer didn't even know that a murder had taken place. While watching movies, I am now alert to such jarring, non-continuous scenes, and try to figure out the story afterwards. If I fail, I go to wikipedia or IMDB for confirmation.

So you see? Movie watching isn't as boring as it was earlier. It has become more evolved, more complex and more interactive. You have to be on your toes (figuratively) so that you don't miss a key point. If the movie is boring, you can play 'Spot the smoke' game. Plus, you get free language lessons and a great tool for learning synonyms. Get a television now, and start watching!