Nepuisms - 3

When you breathe, you inspire. When you stop breathing, you expire.

Nepuisms- 2

Comments are generally better than the original post. At least in my blog.

The Cs of Disaster Management

1. Condemn
2. Console
3. Compensate.

That is what our leaders do.

Added points (courtesy readers and their comments):

4. Cringe and Cower in their homes

Three Point Something

I am supposed to be at point A while i am stuck at point B and have to be at point C at a certain point of time in the near future. This pointless pondering has separated me from all my instruments of connectivity except my trusted cell phone. And i dont like typing over the cellphone keyboard. So, thats it. My dear loyal readers, hope my short posts will keep you company and you wont forget me.
I'll be back!!!

Nepuisms

There is nothing like good or bad, right or wrong. There is just one thing- what you do and what you dont.

The other side of the coin

Read this post. (and i thought only the tall had problems and complexes!!! :))

You can then read this one too. (for a brief recap and some more hits on the counter:)) 

Travelogues

Another journey. New destinations. New people. New experiences. New friends. New enemies.

Am gonna travel again. On another bus. With no adjoining seats (so no opportunities there;)). 

I love travelling. Its only the after-effects- the bodyache, headache and kneeaches (refer to this post) that trouble me. 

Its not the desire to reach the destination that drives me. Its the actual act of travelling that enthralls me. The starting hum of the engine, the settling-in in the seat, music on your cellphone, the scenery rushing past, maybe a full moon lighting the countryside arousing a myriad of thoughts and feelings inside. Many a post in my blog were conceived in such journeys. At least the basic idea.

A face fleeting by. Emotions. A child laughing. A cripple begging for money. Flashing neon lights. Clouds in the sky. 

And your thoughts. A perfect time and place to be yourself, just letting everything go and immerse yourself into the innermost sanctum of your mind. Nothing sophisticated. Just thoughts and ideas fleeting by in your mind not unlike the faces fleeting by outside, just touching you and vanishing- probably never to come back again.

In a sense, life is like a journey. Nay, Life IS a journey. 

New destinations. New people. New experiences. New friends. New enemies.

Keep walking!

Pathologically Speaking

What would you call a man who has five brothers and five sisters???

Ans: FI-BRO-SIS :) 

(An sms I received from a colleague, just thought it cheaper to post here than send it to all :))

Ek Choti Si Love Story

INDIA  LIMA OSCAR VICTOR ECHO  YANKEE OSCAR UNIFORM.

That is 'I Love You' in the phonetic alphabet designed for NATO in the 1950s and this phonetic alphabet is used by almost all armed services.

Well, I sent it once to a girl (more about the girl sometime later). She didn't understand it. Her father did. He was an ex-air force officer. :(

End of story.

Confusing Stuff

I don't understand. People, i mean. 

For the last few weeks, I have seen a steady increase in the visitor counter numericals as well as an increase in my followers (thats not my term, blogger provided it). The followers are real enough, okay. But I have doubts about the counter. Why? Read on.

1. The counter functions such that whenever you open a page, it counts as one hit. If you even navigate to a post inside the blog, it will count as another hit. That may explain the increase in traffic, for one.

2. In the earlier days of the counter (not nowadays, i assure you), i myself used to reload the page a few times. Well, who would like a counter to read '11' when the blog itself has been around for almost six months? I don't know whether I do so subconsciously (or maybe in my sleep- that would probably be termed somnamrefreshism ;))  and in case I do that, that may account for the high number of visitors.

3. I have many well-meaning friends who like to inflate my ego to dizzying extents. May I put the blame upon them?

4. A regularly updated blog may draw good amount of traffic which again eggs the writer on to write more and it continues in a vicious cycle. Is someone egging me on by increasing the numbers in my counter?

5. A plot to find out more about my misadventures and misdeeds (which I may describe in great detail, once I run out of subjects)?

6. People genuinely come to read my stuff?

Which brings us to the same old question. Do people like what they read here? Or do they just come back for the next post because I promised them it would be better (see headline of the blog)? Or do they come just to vent their spleen (yeah, referring to u darkie)? Or, maybe for the fabulous (though plagiarized) information they get here (last post)? Do they come out of courtesy (I at least know a few who may get a severe tongue lashing if they didn't visit :))? Do they come because of the (brackets)? Or the bulleted points?

I don't know. Honestly.

I don't understand. People, I mean.

What the fuck?

Where are the ***s? Well, what the fuck use are ***s in a post that is itself written about one of the most spoken profanities in the English language? So, breaking from my usual norm and my status as a gentleman blogger (?), I bring you a post on 'Fuck'.

The idea struck me one Sunday(why it didn't strike me on other days is a matter of great speculation :)). Lost and lonely (and angry too. At what, I don't know now) in my own world, I changed my orkut status to 'wtf?'. Within the next hour or so people started asking me 'why the swear words?', 'what's wrong with you?', 'that's so unlike you' and so on. That got me thinking. Why is a word denoting the union of two sexes for the procurement of a new generation (not forgetting for pleasure too ;))demoted to the lower rungs of the English language? Isn't the person writing this and the one reading this a result of this self same verb (that was in the present tense a long time ago)? So, why this apartheid?

Thus armed with my ideas and ideals, I proceeded to Wikipedia for a further research on this topic. While the aforementioned questions were not answered, I came across certain interesting facts, which I'll proceed to present before you.

But before I do so, a disclaimer (or a claimer, whatever!): The material presented below is filched (plagiarised- you thought I would work so hard for a single post? You must have been kidding!)from Wikipedia. You may visit the page for a thorough reading. Also, I refuse to take responsibility for any inaccuracy in the facts provided.

Etymology:

1. Germanic origin? German 'ficken'(to fuck); Dutch 'fokken'(to strike,beget); Norwegian 'fukka'(to copulate); Swedish 'fokka'(to fuck)

2. Latin 'futuere' (to fuck). From it came the French 'foutre', Catalan 'fotre', Italian 'fottere', Romanian 'futere' and Portuguese 'foder' - all meaning 'to fuck'

3. Some suggested acronyms (believed to be false but nonetheless interesting)

They are:

*For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge

*Fornication Under Carnal/Cardinal Knowledge

*Fornication Under Consent of King

*For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge

*Forced Unlawful Carnal Knowledge

Interesting facts:

1. James Joyce, in his novel "Ulysses" used a sly spelling pun for the word fuck:

"If you see Kay

Tell him he may.

See you in tea,

Tell him from me"

2. The fcuk tagline is a play on the word fuck by clothing retailer 'French Connection'

3. The pronunciation of the word literally means 'jaw' in Arabic!

4. Translated into different languages:

Arabic- Yoaasher

Catalan- Fotre

Dutch- Fokken

German- Ficken

Japanese- Fakku

Korean- Ssibal

Norwegian- Fokk

Swedish- Fakk

So, thats it! I didn't get any answers but got some interesting information which I shared with you. As I look back, it seems to have become quite a long post. And one with a lot of 'fucks' in it. What the fuck???!!! :)

The Girl in The Adjoining Seat

I was chatting with one of my friends the other day. Some days ago, to be exact. And while we were talking one topic popped up- 'Whenever I am travelling, I never find a hot member of the female species sitting next to me'. Okay, I have my expectations high. Lets modify it to 'Whenever I travel, I never find a good looking girl sitting next to me'. Forget about good-looking, I don't remember sitting next to a girl in any of the travels I have been (ages>40 and <16 excluded). And I was glad to know that the same stuff had happened with her too. She complained of the shortage of 'cute looking guys' on the adjoining seat while I go on and on with girls. She once even spotted some 'cute stuff' and was praying to God to bestow him as her companion. Her prayers were answered. God sent a priest to sit alongside her!!! :D (For details, see her blog).

Anyway, I was thinking about it and why it happens. Is it only me it happens to? I once heard that a good looking Assamese movie actress got hitched on a bus ride from point A to point B. I have travelled in the same bus numerous times (not with the express intent of getting hitched, though it'll be welcome ;)) and the only companions I was blessed with were some fat, portly guy smelling of sweat; some guy reeking of alcohol and cigarette smoke (i hate cigarette smoke and i prefer if the smell of alcohol is on my breath! :)) and the like. Nowadays they have made most of the buses 2x1 seaters and single passengers like me always end up being dumped on those single seats. Though it avoids the problem of unwanted companions, I can't help regretting when a real 'babe' boards the bus (and ultimately lands up on a seat right next to a gruesome old guy :(). How unfair!!!

Sometimes it feels like the world is plotting against you. In the words of SRK in OSO (with little modifications, of course): 'Tum agar kisi cheez ki tamanna karo, to saari qaynaat tumhe usse door rakhne me jut jaati hain. Ye bus journeys hamari filmon ki tarah nahi hote mere dost, ant tak kuch bhi thik nahi hota. Aur kyunki kuch bhi thik nahi hota bas yahi aas rahti hai dil me- journeys abhi baaki hai mere dost! Kya pata kab kuch ho jaaye!!!'

Hope you guys have fared better. If not, good luck!

Shortcut

Q: What is the quickest way to a woman's heart?
Ans: Intracardiac injection!!! :)

Jab We Met

Its been a week of hectic blogging in my blogging circle (at least by our standards!). Posts are appearing right, left and centre. Am having a fantastic time reading some great stuff (and some crap too ;)), commenting on them and then sitting and churning out some myself (crap, i mean ...lol).

Most of the guys i read are from my friends circle. Except maybe one or two who are acquaintances or some stranger who writes so well (or so funnily) that i am compelled to read his stuff. So, this idea crossed my mind (as do many others) on having a post on my favourite bloggers, not about their blogging -its for the world to read and comment-but how we met.

So, here I go (for reasons best known to myself, I am not using your names. Who knows you may sue me!)

My first memory of 'D' goes back around four years back. He was our teacher then. Still is, for that matter. He was a stern taskmaster, with an acid tongue and a bulging waistline (all of which have been proved 'phoney' as time progressed). As we were on the last leg of our grad education, I had the opportunity of getting acquainted with him better and discovered a lot of hidden 'talent' (for want of a better word)- a well read guy able to discourse on almost every topic under the sun at the drop of a hat, a great (sorry GREAT!!!) cook, a good dancer, an avid quizzer- even though he doesn't participate, and a good friend, teacher and guide. The only thing he probably was lousy at was this computer stuff. I once had to configure his internet settings over the phone sitting 90 kms away! (this wasn't supposed to be about me, sorry! :)). And yeah, i forgot. A very good writer. And i take pride in the fact that it was probably me who inspired him to blog (come to think of it, it has been the case with many of my friends- okay, not many but 3-4 atleast :)).

'Q'. Not THE Q from the 007 series! My first memory of Q is from an accident which he was in. My acquaintance (and friendship)with him started at a Quiz when he and his partner stopped the onward march of the reigning college quiz champs (no points for guessing who they were) and help topple them from their high pedestal onto the ground. That day, i lost a quiz and gained a friend (friends actually- he came in a package that included his buddies and his sweet little girlfriend). We were going ga-ga over his various capabilities that included, among others, a knack for making some really good paintings (or is it something else? i am not familiar with the jargon, so forgive me. Still, he owes me a t-shirt with a picture of mine drawn on it!); being a smooth liar with a straight face and in general, a pain in the arse; when we came across his blog and the material contained therein. No use commenting on the stuff- it is for the world to see (and relish.)

We move on to 'J'. I had just finished a press conference (raised eyebrows??? Yeah, i did. Once.) Then this gorgeous girl comes to me (okay, not gorgeous but good looking;), not fat really- slightly plump would be a good word and a broad beaming smile on her face) and says to me: "Did you check my 'Orkut' profile yesterday?" I was flummoxed. What do I reply? Admitting to checking out profiles (that too female) wasn't a good impression upon me. (On second thoughts, it would be better than checking out guy's profiles, waddya say???;)) And at a time when I was at my nervous best with a show to conduct the very next day! I made some noncommittal noises and was thus introduced to an 'out-of-the-world-creature'. We spoke a few times during the next two days at the quizzes and life was back to normal when I stumbled upon her almost two months later on an IM service. We chatted. It was like she chatted, with me inserting some cute little words like 'really?', 'you don't say so', 'you did that?' and 'ah!' Still, it wasn't as bad as I am making it sound :). So, we chatted and talked a lot over the next year or so and became friends- close friends as she calls it. I got an invitation to her wedding already, anybody else got it??? :) Well, she is an incessant chatterbox willing to enlighten you upon any subject you wish to, providing ideas, suggestions and 'the-girl's-side-point-of-view' on matters of the heart (sometimes even providing conflicting pieces of advice on two consecutive days!) with her secret wish being a superwoman who could break some bones at the office and the skull of her boss. (There! I bared your secret J. Hope your boss doesn't read my blog for your sake. Hope he does, for my sake though ;))

We move on to X now. Second day at med school, he was without a book- the manual on dissecting dead people, so he comes over and we read it together. I notice a keloid on the nape of his neck and ask him what the hell that is. He replies- 'Thats my third nipple'. Thats my first memory of him. Since that day he has proved himself an a**hole many times over (third time in three days, i am using this endearment!), a miser to the core and what not! Still, he remains one of my closest friends, who leads me on various misadventures (from which we have luckily escaped unscathed- remember the princi's door?), bores me with his drunken calls [the first word invariably being 'a word starting with K that translates into a wholesome fruit in Hindi' (plagiarized without permission from a certain blog):)] and confides in me (over a glass of spirit, of course!)

So, thats it. Quite a long post. And not quite interesting, except maybe to the persons concerned. Still, here it is.

And thanks guys. For being my friends and enriching my life (and also for being the subject matter of this post :))

Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi

Surprised? Don't be.

For one, one of the longest running soaps of Indian television deserves at least a mention in this blog. Apart from that I have a certain affection for this marathon runner.

The story starts (and finishes too) eight years back. I was a young kid just out of high school, having secured a medical seat and waiting for the admission process to start (it took almost eight years for that). A successful person at that time (given the circumstances), I was hopping from one of my relatives to another with my only source of entertainment (apart from the food) being the idiot box. It was a whole new world- the hollywood movies on offer on HBO and Star movies, the series on AXN, and yeah FTV too :P. I was engrossed.

Thus I was happily whiling away my time in front of the TV set (and growing fatter). But all was not well. A certain series about a certain 'Tulsi' and her family caught the fascination of my aunt and considering that she could not watch it at night (it was on air around 10.30PM), she took to watching the re-runs in the afternoon. That really used to put a fullstop to whatever programme i was watching. Well, people adapt. I did too. I started watching it too. Even managed to get interested! I got all the background stories and the gossips and got pretty well versed about the going-ons. Thinking back, the prominent reasons I liked the show were probably:

1. I had no other option. :D
2. It started with a K. :DD
3. The story moved at a snail's pace. Even if you missed an episode or two, you didn't miss much.
4. Each episode ended on a climactic note- slow motion camera work with accompanying thunderclaps.
5. Some of the actors were really good. Seriously.

Well, every good thing comes to an end. My love affair with the series ended with me ending up in medical school. Ragging, studies and beautiful girls drove all thought of the series away from my mind. I used to remain updated about the story though. It ended when the series started taking generation leaps with new characters being introduced. The only saving grace was that 'Baa' was still alive.

Now I hear they killed her. And the show too.

RIP!!!

Suicidal Thoughts

It is human nature. We don't like to work. Why spend precious time and effort to create something which you can simply accomplish by taking the opinion of some people and then collating the results and presenting it as your own?

I did just that! So, this post is 'of the people, by the people and for the people'. :)

I messaged some of my friends this simple message and waited for their answers. Different people, different styles and different opinions. Here is what I found out.

Me: Am feeling suicidal. Any last words?

Answers:

1. REST IN PEACE!!! (This from the busy ones. In fact, the message read RIP- I just lengthened it to increase the length of the post!)

2. Where's your will? (As if I have anything precious to leave behind, except maybe this blog :))

3.Porhi porhi pagol hola niki? (This from a concerned friend)

4.Dont you dare negate my seniority, at least in this matter.Besides, dont you want to know what happens to Eragon? (This from a senior from my own profession. I told ya 'medicos are weirdos'- always insisting on things like seniority and stuff even when dying :))

5. I can beat you at a one to one quiz. Lets have one when you come to Dibrugarh tomorrow. Game? Hope you postponed the suicide for that one to one with me. Or you chickened out? Hope not...Anyway, enjoy... till you live! (This from a quiz buff and a dear friend who is heady after yet another of his recent quizzical conquests)

6. Go to hell!!! (This from my well-known a**hole of a quiz partner- one of the best responses in case you want me to rate them)



AN APOLOGY: To all my friends who were unduly worried on my account on receiving the message. And thanks to those who called!

One flew over the cuckoo's nest

Wire, briar, limber-lock
Three geese in a flock
One flew east, one flew west
And one flew over the cuckoo's nest.

Coherent Thoughts

Hmm. I am back. No crap this time. No typos too. And with proper spelling.

I am in a better mood today. Reasons? Not that I need to tell you all. Still here they are:
1. My prophecy about some crank coming up and labelling my crap as brilliant was fulfilled barely one day after I made it!!!
2. I was labelled a schizophrenic. I always knew I was mentally deranged but had difficulty naming my ailment.
3. I received an sms from a certain PP telling me about his last quiz in the college and how he misses me and my a**hole of a partner. That really inflated me quite a bit!
4. I am reading 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest' and going 'Cuckoo' over it. :)
5. I am just feeling good.

So, now that I have established that I am in a really good mood, what do I write about? It so happened that while on my most recent travels, I thought about something interesting to write about most of which evaporated and what remains is reproduced here. It consists of some basic questions and their sophisticated answers. So, here we go:

Q1. Why do people fall in love?
Ans: The notion that people 'fall' in love can probably be attributed to the work of a British scientist by the name of Sir Isaac Newton. Yeah, the same one as got hit by an apple on the head while sitting in the garden. You see, good ol' gravity acts on people who are in love in the same manner as on those not in love. And when gravity acts, thinks fall. Simple.

Q2. Why don't people rise in love?
Ans: Its difficult to base the answer to this question upon the works of some well known hot-shot. Still, some interesting answers may be:
a) People are not hydrogen balloons, you know. They are made of flesh and bones. And not many pneumatic bones either!
b) Have you seen what happens to a person who falls in love? He gets on his knees to propose. It is precisely this mindset that prevents people from rising in love.
c) An enquiry committee has been made to study this problem. Hopefully, we'll have an answer in umm... a decade?
d) We suspect the hand of some foreign agencies in this matter.

Q3. Why don't we have a retirement age for politicians?
Ans: Umm, pass

Q4. Any message for the new US president-elect Barack Obama?
Ans: Mu-Barack Ho!!!

Q5. Why the hell am I writing this crap?
Ans: Because there is someone tolerant enough to read it!!!


(As you may probably guess, a certain distraction drove me off course midway. I'll try and edit this post, if I can, in the near future)

incoherent ramblings

i am feeling blue. but how can one feel blue? one should be seeing blue, isn't it? like the way one sees red. but seeing red is also not what it seems to mean. there are many things that are not what they seem to be and many things that are what they are. same with persons. i can't decide what i am. am i what i am or am i what i am not? who am i to decide? but who'll decide? i? you? someone else? what does it matter? what does anything matter? almost three decades of futile existence on this planet with nothing to show for it. maybe something- a few useless letters hanging in front or after my name. nothing more. what am i living for? what is anyone living for? is it even worth living??? i have seen people slogging it out all their lives. people grow up, get educated, get married, fuck (not necessarily in that order, u see i haven't lost my sense of humor), beget kids, worry about their education, their marriage and all that crap and then die. what was the use of living, if not to increase the population? why are we afraid to die? why does the image of charred bodies that the channels telecast in the name of live journalism make us shiver? after all, death is death. it may be violent or peaceful. ha ha . peaceful death!!! i always wondered why people cry when someone dies. i dont think i'll probably cry if someone i know dies. not at that instant probably. maybe later. maybe never. u know, i think i somehow don't have this ability to feel things. they appear in a detached way. i can't feel love, hatred, anger instinctively. these emotions occur because i am supposed to feel them. but why am i writing all this crap? it is crap that i am writing. still, probably some of my friends will read and sympathise with it. may be someone will even speculate :) (yeah PP, talking about u.. he he). oh yeah, and while i am in the mood let me thank my dedicated readers for sticking with me and all the shit i write. admittedly, they are my friends but it takes great courage even for friends to tolerate such ghastly stuff! so, where was i? yeah, crappy stuff. but who knows some people do like crap. the world is a strange place and there is no scarcity of weirdos, u know. and i am one of them. and if you are thinking that i am drunk while i am writing this, you may be right but you are assuredly wrong :). i take my writing seriously. though my masterpieces have been created in bouts of drunkenness. masterpieces??? i see you guys smirk. ah! you heard of a certain van gogh? sold only one painting in his life. so, long after i am dead, some fella will probably stumble upon my blog and say 'wow! thats some great stuff!' and the rest will be history. or the future. whatever. yesterday, i saw a programme where they were telling about the earnings of dead celebrities. while we have to earn our way through life, they are raking in the money even now. elvis presley, marilyn monroe, heath ledger. hmm. heath ledger. liked him as the joker. fucking awesome role. and his dialogue about the stray dogs- 'I am like a dog that chases after a car. I won't know what to do if I catch up.' Aren't we all???