Death and the Drunken Rhapsody

12.05 PM. 24-03-2008.

I met death today again. It came in the form of a lifeless young body of just 13 days. I was summoned to F ward with the words 'Doctor, a patient has expired.' Predictably, I was unable to work wonders with a lifeless young body, not even with the title of Dr. hanging around my neck helping in the endeavour. I was at a loss to explain to the parents. My Senior consultant came to the rescue. She explained the child's condition to the parents (in words they will probably never understand) and consoled them. She ended her consolations with the words OK. Goddammit! Nothing was OK. Nothing would be OK (though I don't doubt the sincerity of my senior nor the meaning of the words). What can be OK with a couple losing their first born to a disease they had never heard about??? What can be OK with death itself? Nothing...

I am forced to think. I think. What is life? What is death? What is the meaning of our existence? I can't find the answers nor I think I will be able to.

8.00 PM. same day.

I meet life in the form of a drunk young friend of mine (who, as a gesture of goodwill towards me, has brought some alcohol for me since I was on duty upto 8 PM). The first thing he does is to salute me (i must mention that he was terribly interested in joining the Indian Army, but was denied because of an extra thumb!) and proclaiming his love for me in his own manner. We listen to some romantic songs, some love songs and some rock songs. We dance, we laugh and we shout. The sorrows of the day are forgotten. What matters is now and the Drunken rhapsody we all are engaged in.

As i finish my dinner, and make my way towards my PC, i summarize my day. More importantly i compare the two extremes - one of death and one of life- albeit drunk. I am at a loss. As always. I cant put my feelings into words. Death and life in a single day- its too much for me, for anybody. I wish someone could solve it for me. I wish someone will.