Audit in Ayodhya

Original work: 'Ayodhya me Khata Bahi'; Author: Harishankar Parsai

[Translators Note: I have always believed its a crime tinkering with masterpieces. And when the creator is a towering stalwart of the Hindi language, the crime only becomes the more unpardonable. But then I thought: If I share this, maybe some people will get to enjoy one of the greatest satirists of Hindi literature, even though the translation leaves a lot to be desired. Also, it coincides with the occasion of Deepawali, and it seems appropriate. I just hope I can at least convey what the original author wished to with this measly effort of mine. Along with my apologies. Happy Deepawali people! ]

It is said that when Lord Rama came home to Ayodhya after defeating Ravana, the whole city was decorated and lit with earthen lamps. This festival of Deepavali shall persist till the end of time. 

The festival is also associated with the changing of ledgers by the businessmen, the ledgers being bound by a red cloth.

Two questions arise: What is the relation between Lord Rama's return and the changing of the ledgers? And why use only a red cloth to bind the ledger when a variety of other colours can also be used?

Fact is when news of Lord Rama's imminent return reached the ears of the business community, they got scared. They began to say: "This is bad news. We got away during the reign of Bharat. But Rama is 'Maryada Purushottam'. He wont tolerate income tax theft. He'll look for audit reports, examine our ledgers. Looks like we are in for a stint in the pen."

Such was the state of affairs when Lord Rama reached Ayodhya. While the general population was jubilant, the business community was scared, thinking of some way to avert the crisis.

As soon as he reached Ayodhya, Lord Rama sensed that there was something fishy about the businessmen and their dealings. Shifty eyes, smooth talk with a perpetual anxious face alerted him that the matter needed to be looked upon. He called Hanuman and said: "Listen, O Son of the Wind God! We won the war in Lanka. But an even greater enemy awaits here at Ayodhya- corruption among the business classes. Many a great warrior has been defeated by the guile and cunning of the corrupt. You are the bravest, strongest and wisest among all my warriors. I appoint you the Director of the Enforcement Branch. Go forth, examine the ledgers and find the guilty. Punish them as need be."

The news spread like wild fire among the businessmen of Ayodhya. They started talking: "Hanuman ji has been appointed the Director of the Enforcement Branch! We are gone now. He is a strict person. He will sniff us out in no time."

A meeting of the legal advisors was called for. After long winded discussions and deliberations, they decided that the ledgers should be changed. The 'Chamber of Commerce' issued a notice to this effect that was circulated among the businessmen. 

But the businessmen weren't satisfied. What if Director sir wanted an explanation to the ledgers being new? What if he wanted to inspect the old ones? Various course were deliberated upon.

"How about warming up his pockets?"

"He doesn't take money. Doesn't need any. Plus he wears just a loincloth. No pockets."

"He may not take. How about memsaab? She will have needs."

"Sir didn't marry. Spent his life in fighting."

"Any other 'hobbies'? Booze? Birds?"

"He is a very disciplined person. No booze or smoke. And he is a baal brahmachari. Will skin any call girl alive!"

"Then what do we do?"

An experienced lawyer spoke up: "The higher a person is in the social hierarchy, the more he likes flattery. Hanuman doesn't have any afflictions. He rubs vermilion on his body and wears a red loincloth. Easy to please him. Keep your ledgers bound in red cloth."

Overnight, ledgers were changed and bound in red cloth. 

The next day, Hanuman came on inspection with a few constables. He went to the first trader and said to him: " I have been commanded by the Lord to weed out corruption. No one shall escape me. Show me your ledgers." The trader took out the ledger bound in red cloth. Hanuman saw that the cloth binding the ledger and his loincloth were of the same colour. He softened a bit. 

"You bind your ledgers in a red cloth similar to my loincloth?"

The businessman said, "Yes Sir! We are your devotees.We worship you. We worship the colour that adorns your body. We worship the colour your loincloth is dyed. You are everything for us."

Hanuman felt elated.

Businessman said," Shall I open it? Please check that everything is in order."

Hanuman said,"Leave it. My devotee can't be corrupt."

Wherever he went, he saw ledgers bound in red. He saw his devotees. He didn't see anything. 

Upon returning to Lord Rama, he submitted his report: Your businessmen are all honest. No one is corrupt.

Hanuman was the world's first communist. A leader of the masses. Thats why the communists have adopted his colour.

However, the leader of the masses has to be careful that the bourgeois dont use his loincloth to bind their ledgers.