The Gentleman Within

Don't know why I am writing this post. Self publicity and self praise is always bad. I know that. Still, I am committing this mistake.

If I am not mistaken, I have been a gentleman all my life. Not impeccably dressed, mind you, but I never did find fault with the way I behaved, if I may say so myself. I was courteous to elders, relatives and acquaintances, tried to impart good advice to my juniors (both within and outside the family), and respected those who had to be respected. I had and have my own views and I do stick by them and I have no regrets too.

So, where did it all go wrong? Why? How? Just one day back, I had two of my brothers (non-familial, but emotionally the same, i assure you) saying thanks to me for being there, for guiding them, for winning 30 grand in a quiz show and trying to cheer me up by saying how much they loved me (better than a certain black person, who was luckily in the loo at the time :)). At that same instant, I had also the image of a little one cuddled snugly in my arms, smiling beautifully at the camera as if that moment was poised for etenity. Of course, it wasn't. For the same person was destroying my life with as much gusto as was possible...

Where did it all go wrong??? I had a talk with the elders of the family. Of course, being the well-bred and well-mannered kid that I am, I couldn't talk back. But that couln't hold back the tears at the end of the conversation. The anguish that was felt and the heartbreak that occurred.

Being a gentleman hurts, I assure you. You don't get to use all those choicest abuses that leap to your tongue everytime someone abuses you or your loved one. You can't beat up all those show-offs bothering everyone else on the street. You can't get drunk and go home (in case you got a home to go back to!!!). You can't do anything else the world does... Nothing, absolutely nothing...

And you smart and think, curse yourself and cry for being what the world thinks you are but which you can never be with all the hurt and the anguish within- a true gentleman.